The Only Girl

Gulf Shores....

2007-08-10T13:21:00.000-04:00

We left for Gulf Shores on Thursday 8/2. Without stops it's a 6 hour drive. I'm proud to say that we made it in 6.5 hours! Pretty incredible since we have 4 boys!! We arrived at my aunts (who we stayed with) in time to see my cousin before she left for work. My aunt and her husband arrived a little later, and we all had some yummy pizza for dinner. The boys were tired from having gotten up at 6 and from the ride, so we headed to bed pretty early (around 9 for the boys, 10 for us). Unfortunately not before Max crashed....

We got up the next morning (Friday), ate breakfast, and headed to the beach. We got there about 9:30 and it was perfect!! Only about 10 cars in the parking lot, and we basically had our choice of spots. So we started unloading the car, and putting sunscreen on the kids. Here are the boys waiting on us to finish...

And one of Miles waiting for his turn for sunscreen...

After what seemed like forever, we made our way to the beach. The weather was just beautiful and the water was perfect. Clear, no seaweed, calm. We couldn't have asked for a better day!! The boys all got right to work on some sand castles...

Max stayed in the sand most of the time, and Michael stayed in the water most of the time. I swear that boy is part fish. He loved every minute of it.

Matthew was in and out of the water. He didn't know what he wanted to do. Miles didn't know what to think. He did NOT like the water, and the sand was weird. So he hung out under the umbrella...

We hung out at the beach for a few hours and then we headed back to the van. We drove down the coast over the Florida/Alabama line and back, picked up some lunch and headed back to my aunts for rest time. The 2 younger boys took naps while the 2 older ones watched TV and relaxed. After everyone got home from work we headed into Perdido Key, FL (just over the line) and ate at The Crab Trap. The food was great, and it was right on the beach. We had a blast! After dinner we headed back into Gulf Shores to ride the Ferris Wheel. The boys were nervous, and SO WAS I! I do not like heights at all, and this thing is 108' tall!

Matthew was the most nervous of all and he kept his face buried in his hands the whole ride. Finally he started to enjoy the ride. I won't say that I liked it all that much, but it was ok as long as the gondola didn't start rocking and as long as I didn't look down!

When the ride was over we headed over to Starbucks and got some Strawberries & Cremes and then headed back to the house.

We got up the next morning (Saturday) and headed to Pensacola, Fl to the Naval Aviation Museum. We had a lot of fun here. The boys grew bored after an hour or so, but it was really neat! Lots of stuff to look at. Here's some of my fave pictures from there....

After a few hours, we left and we were STARVING so we headed to Lambert's Cafe. We really love this place. It's a lot of fun, and the food is fantastic!

KJ & Uncle Scotty

Michael, Matthew, Aunt Glenda, Maranda

Max, Miles, and Me (horrible picture, but I was hot and sweaty, ICK!)

After lunch we went back home for some rest. That night after we got Miles in the bed, Maranda babysat the boys and me, KJ, Glenda, and Scotty went out to LuLu's. This place was fantastic! We're taking the boys there the next time we go. The food and atmosphere were just really great.

Sunday we got up and the older 3 boys went to church with Maranda. The rest of us hung out around the house. Around lunch me, KJ, and Miles went to the store to restock our drink and snacks for the trip home the next day. By the time we got back, Maranda was back with the other boys. Everyone rested for a while and then we headed back to the beach for a few hours with Maranda tagging along this time. It was really windy this day, but it felt nice. The water was really choppy and lots of seaweed and a few baby jellyfish so we didn't play in the water as much. After a few hours we headed over to Surf Style to pick us out some T-Shirts. Then it was home to some yummy Sour Cream Enchiladas and then more hanging out and then off to bed.

We got up early Monday and left Glenda's by 6:40. We stopped and got gas and ice and then headed back to Lamberts Cafe to give their breakfast a try. After we were fed and had made our trips to the bathroom, we headed home. 6.5 hours later we were pulling into the driveway.

It was a great vacation, and we can't wait to do it again next year!

Is it really me?

2007-06-12T22:00:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been looking in a mirror and caught a glimpse of your "old" self? Kind of like deja vu, but mostly just really seeing yourself. I hope that you are following along...

Every once in a while, when applying makeup or just walking by a mirror I see myself. The real Melissa. The old Melissa. I can see the me from years ago. The young girl who had her whole life ahead of her and had so many plans for the future. I guess this is on my mind more lately because my 10 Year High School Reunion is coming up next month. 10 years!

The last 10 years have been pretty good to me (wish the food hadn't been so good to me! lol). 10 years ago I knew that I would marry KJ. I knew that he was the person that I would spend the rest of my life with, and have kids with. 10 years ago I thought that I'd have a college degree and be an elementary school teacher. Those plans didn't come to pass, but I don't regret that. If I had followed through with those plans then our life wouldn't have turned out the way that it has. We have made a nice, happy life for ourselves and our boys. 10 years ago I knew that I'd have kids. I didn't know that it would be 4 boys, though! Which is a good thing or I might have chickened out! (j/k.)

When I do catch a glimpse of the "old" me in the mirror it's a mixture of emotions. Happiness to see how far I've come since then. Sadness at how quickly the time has gone by and how far away my "old" self seems. Excitement for seeing what the future holds. Mostly, it's just nice to see that even though I get lost in all the mommy and wifely duties, that Melissa is still in there.

Seperation....

2007-06-05T09:00:00.001-04:00

Seperation Anxiety that is....

Miles has the worst case of it out of any of our kids. Most days I can't even leave him with daddy without him screaming and crying at the gate. Luckily, he will calm down quickly if it's daddy. The poor nursery workers at church try their best to get him to calm down, but it always ends the same.....us having to pick him up in the middle of service. I can't even remember the last time that we got to sit through an entire church service without having to get him and then keep him quiet.

I know that one day he'll be over it. Part of me can't wait! The other part of me knows that when this is over he'll be able to be without me without a second thought. He'll come out of this independent and confident just like his brothers did. He'll also come out of this not so much a baby anymore.

Since he's the last one, I sure wish he wouldn't grow up so quickly! I guess before long it'll be my turn for seperation anxiety as they all grow up and become more and more independent.

Getting it off my chest...

2007-05-23T15:39:00.000-04:00

If you actually try and read this, then I'll apologize in advance. It is probably going to be long, rambling, and confusing.

There are things going on. Church things. We love our church. We fell in love with it right away.

Perhaps the honeymoon is over?!? Have we outgrown the church, has the church outgrown us? Is it the right place for us now?

It is a contemporary non-denominational church. It's very welcoming and everyone is friendly. It has fantastic atmosphere, SUPERB children's ministry, and a kickin' band (though I'll admit, not as good as when Rick was with us). Our church's mission is to reach non-believers. To bring in those disconnected from Christ and the church. It's a terrific mission, and it is really what we needed in the beginning (over 3 years ago). We were what you'd consider "baby" christians. We had commited our lives to Christ, but didn't really know where to go from there. We found the church, fell in love, got baptized, and joined all within 4 months time. We started a small group, began volunteering and everything was going beautifully. Really it was! I'd say things were great up until late last year. We (the hubby and I) started wanting something more in depth. More bible teaching and less of the "commit your life to Christ" sermons. More meat and less milk. Are you following?

Anyway, we had grew a little tired of the church's small groups. They were great for fellowship, but we just weren't getting what we needed out of them. Along came some friends (and fellow church members), and they offered us a chance to do a study with them. It was a bible based study, and they ok'd it with the church before even moving forward. We jumped in. It was what we were looking for. More in depth teaching and great fellowship. Fast forward a few months, and we are on our 3rd study. Again, bible-based, more in-depth, church approved. The church calls in the facilitator of our study and tells him that we must stop. Immediately. Their reasoning was because we were doing these studies instead of the church's small group. If we were doing it in addition to, then it would be different. Ok, maybe I can understand this. BUT, does it really matter as long as we are doing something that is doctrinally sound? Should they really discourage one who wants to grow deeper? Maybe it isn't the way that they want you to do it, but to say that it's wrong....is that right?

As a said earlier, our church's mission is to bring people to Christ. But what about once you've accepted Him? They don't have a plan for that. They'll tell you that. They don't plan on offering anything "deeper". I understand that we shouldn't rely on them to take us deeper. I understand that we have a responsibility to do it ourselves. But isn't that what we were doing with our outside studies? The ones that they nixed. Is it really right that they won't offer any "deeper" alternatives, and when you do it your way, not their way, then it's looked down on?

So, now there are doubts. Is our church still the place that we belong? Is it still right for us? Is it time for us to move on? Will we ever be able to get were we want to be at this church? Will we ever be able to attend another service with feeling the "weirdness" that's there now? They know us. They know that we were in the study that they axed. They know that we weren't doing it their way. We know that we can't continue on in studies the way we want without worrying that we'll be chastised, or given the cold shoulder. If we stay is our only alternative to conform, and follow their directions? If we leave, where will we go? Will we be able to find a church that meets all of our needs (great children's program, contemporary, friendly, AND deep)?

Right now, there is a lot of praying going on. Praying for His guidance in this situation. Taking the hurt feelings and emotions out of it, and listening to Him. It's hard. But I know that He has a plan for us, and a church home for us. Perhaps, it is our church. I'd love to move past this and discover that we already are home. That like all families, we had problems, but we got past it. Perhaps it is somewhere else. A church that is waiting for us with open arms, and will fit better than we ever imagined.

HE knows. I'm just ready for us to know too!

My very first TAG!

2007-05-17T12:53:00.000-04:00

And it happened twice on the same day! Thanks Traci and Karen, for making me feel special. :P

THE RULES:
Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves. Those tagged need to write in their blogs the 7 facts, as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven others and list their names on your blog.You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they have been tagged and to read your blog.

THE FACTS:

1) I pierced my own belly button when I was a sophmore in high school. My mom has no idea, even to this day!

2) I was the in the Miss Teen USA Georgia pageant when I was 16. My roommate won, and went on to the Miss Teen USA pageant.

3) I'm a big time procrastinator.

4) I met best friend (IRL), online at babycenter.com . we discovered we lived in the same town and had kids the same age (her dd is 1 month older than Michael). we met up and have been BFF since!

5) Since we went to a digital camera, I'm horrible about getting hard copies of my pictures. I don't have any hard copies after 2004! I really *need* to get those printed!!!

6) I've only "been with" one person. Obviously, that is KJ. lol.

7) When I was younger I would talk super fast, and ALL THE TIME. Who am I kidding? I still do!

I'm not going to be tagging anyone, because everyone that I could tag, has already been tagged! I'm breaking the rules! OOPS!

Uncertain...

2007-05-10T16:15:00.000-04:00

I hate being "not sure" about things in my life. I'd much prefer to have it all figured out. It's just easier that way. There are 3 things going on in my life that I'm uncertain about.

1) To Homeschool or Not To Homeschool, that is the question....
I'm 95% sure that I've made my decision, but that tiny 5% still creeps in all the time.

2) Are We Done Yet?
We've been saying for a year now, that one of us was gonna go get "fixed". Still hasn't happened. I've made appointments and it never felt right so we never did it. 6 months ago, I was 100% sure we were done. Now, I don't know what to think. I mean HELLO we have 4 boys!! Our life is chaos, how can I even be thinking of adding another mouth to feed/butt to change/soul to nurture. And if we did go for it, there'd be all the "hoping this one is a girl/tried for the girl, huh" (no we aren't/no we didn't, we'd prefer another boy anyway!). Not to mention all the "ARE YOU NUTS?!?!" (If not yet, we soon will be!). Then there are the plans that would have to be put on hold, etc, if we went for it. I'm 100% happy with my family now, and if we choose not to have another baby, then I'll still be 100% happy. I'm just not sure......

3) There's been some stuff happen lately regarding our church. I LOVE our church, and can't imagine ever leaving it and finding another "home" where we feel so welcome and loved. But with that being said, I'm not sure if our future is in the church.

Harry Hand Peter Pan

2007-05-06T20:29:00.000-04:00

This is the name that Max gave his little toy puppy. He bought this puppy at a yard sale for 25 cents. It's a small little brown puppy, about the size of his foot. First his name was just Harry Hand. I'm not sure where he came up with this name. A few nights ago, he informed me that Harry Hand's last name was Peter Pan. I'm not sure how he came up with this either, but that's what his name. Harry Hand Peter Pan.

Max is quite the comic. He really says the funniest things. The other day he was helping me to pick out his clothes, and I asked him about a shirt, and with the most serious voice he said, "WHAT?!?! Is that a girl shirt or somethin'?" Now imagine this is the cutest 3 year old voice you've ever heard. KJ and I were seriously ROFLOL.

Then today we were at Home Depot. Matthew picked up a rose bush clipping and the thorns stuck him. He started whining about it. Max picked it up and got stuck, and said to Matthew, "I didn't cry, because I'm a man!" KJ and I burst out laughing. After Home Depot, we went to the lake and had a picnic. Afterwards, we let the boys play in the lake. When we were leaving they put their crocs back on, and Max got into the water with them on. I didn't see him do this. Matthew asked if he could get in the water with his crocs and I said no. Max then said, "Yeah only a real man can." What a nut!!

I don't know where this boy gets this stuff from, but he is a total jokester.

Discipline

2007-01-23T20:42:00.000-05:00

noun: doing something you even when you don't want to

Discipline is the virtue of the month in Michael's church class. As we were going over his papers I saw their defintion. I don't know if it was the blunt defintion or just the timing, but WOW it spoke to me.

It all makes sense now. I'm lacking in self-discipline. It explains all the things that I don't like about myself. If there is something that needs to be done, but I feel like I can get away with not doing it, then I don't do it. If I feel like it isn't all that important, then it doesn't get done. If I'm not in the mood, then I pass it on saying I'll do it later.

I haven't always been like this, but I've been this way for a while. I'm hoping now that I've identified the problem I can fix it.

I'm first going to start with praying. I know that without God, I won't be able to overcome this. From there, I'm just going to try everyday to do something even when I don't want to.

I've got to accomplish this so that I can set a better example for the Ms. If I continue on this way, all I'll be teaching them is how to get away with not doing things, and how to make excuses for it.

Slacker....

2007-01-19T23:25:00.000-05:00

noun: a person who shirks their work or duty

That's me. Which obviously leads to my being unorganized, as explained in the previous post.

I had the best intentions of blogging nearly every night this week. Had my topics all figured out and everything. But, alas, I didn't. It wasn't exactly the best week for me, mentally/emotionally.

M4 is still sick. Another 2 weeks of antibiotics (he just finished up 10 days), 5 days of steroids, and breathing treatments every 4-6 hours. LOTS OF FUN! All the meds are keeping him from sleeping well, and this coupled with the fact that his new favorite thing to do is to pull up in his crib (but he can't get back down!) has made for some looooooooong nights this week.

Also feeling like a failure in several areas of my life. Weight Loss is one. I don't know why I can't stick to it. I know what I need to do, but doing it is the hard part. I mean I know I can do it, I lost 65lbs a few years ago, so what's the hold up??? Homeschool is the other big area. I have a hard time getting it in as often as I should, and I feel like I'm failing the boys. I mean they have learned a lot, and they both enjoy homeschooling (as do I), but I can't help but to wonder if I'm doing enough. With homeschooling, I very rarely get time to myself. Once in a blue moon, I'll go somewhere in the evenings after hubby gets home, but there is no real break for me. I've been daydreaming a lot lately about putting them in school just so that I can have some semi-alone time. Then when I think of all that would go along with putting them in school, I know that that isn't what I want to do at all. I need to find them some sort of classes for an hour a day a few times a month. I think it'd be good for all of us.

Anyway, this post got way off the "Slacker" topic. Or perhaps, I'm such a slacker that I can't even stick to the topic at hand?!?!

Unorganized..

2007-01-12T22:22:00.000-05:00

adj: Lacking order, unity, or a system; disorganized

In case you didn't know, that's my middle name.

I wish I could be one of those people who have a place for everything, AND remember where that place is!

9 times out of 10, when I'm looking for something, I have no idea where to start. I've tried and tried to give things a home. Bills here, other mail there. Filing cabinets with files for the things we want to keep.

Here are a few examples of things I've encountered this week...

1) Getting ready to send in our Monthly Attendance Report for homeschooling. Get it all filled out, and start looking for my copies of the previous months so that I can fill out the correct total number of days YTD. Hmmm, where did I put them? I just had them in my hand the other day. Look through the 2 piles of papers on the counters, nope not there. Upstairs to my homeschool files, nope not there either. Hmmmm, where next? On the computer desk, nope. On top of the chest of drawers, nope. Nightstand? nope. I finally decide to go through the last two bags of trash, YUCKO, and unfortunately nope not there either. I guess they disappeared. Waiting on copies from the B.O.E. now. UGH.

2) Getting ready to sign M3 up for speech therapy. Get all the paper work together. Need his birth certificate. Where's the file at? I just had it out the other day. Hmmmmm..... Check the place that I promised myself I'd keep it, nope. Ah, there it is, on the computer desk. Get out his birth certificate to make a copy, and wait a minute....what's that? There are only 5 birth certificates here. Hmmmm, hubby-yep, me-yep, M1-yep, M2-yep, M3-yep, M4-nope. How in the world have I lost this in less than 8 months time??? We got it when he was 6wks old, sent a copy to the insurance company, and from there it has disappeared. UGH.

Don't even get me started on the disorganization of my laundry system. I'm good at keeping the clothes clean, but anything past that, HA! Everyone has their own clothes basket, and when their clothes come out of the dryer, they go into their basket most of the time. Sometimes the clothes end up in a big pile in my bedroom floor until I get them seperated. The older Ms, occassionally, get sick of digging through their basket so they'll fold and put their stuff away. The rest of us, well, we get sick of it too, but we don't do anything about it.

Part of this is because I'm unorganized, the other part is because I despise laundry. What's the point of folding and putting away when it just gets pulled back out and dirtied up again within the next week? Seems like a HUGE waste of time to me.

I mean, I have much more important things to do with my time....

like looking for all the things that I can't find!

Exhausted...

2007-01-11T21:22:00.000-05:00

adjective: drained physically

Or in my case, mentally...

I am on kid overload.

With all the Ms having been sick in the last 2 weeks, and keeping an overly whiney teething baby 3 days a week, I think I'm in need of a serious break.

I know that most of this stems from the fact that we haven't been out of the house much in the past 2 weeks, but the Ms are just about to drive me batty. Lots of energy, and not enough chances to let it out. The fact that they are getting more and more excited about our upcoming trip just multiplies the craziness. The weekend weather is supposed to be pretty nice, and now that everyone is well I think that we'll be spending as much of it as possible outside. Tomorrow we are definately going to leave the house. Not sure what we'll do or where we'll go, but it won't be at the house! We do have a family trip to the mall planned for tomorrow night. Gotta check out the Disney Store for some things for the trip!

As far as the overly whiney teething baby, thankfully that is nearly over with. This will be my last month keeping her. She is almost 6 months old and I've been keeping her for over 3 months now. With her (and M4) napping less often, it's becoming too hard to get in the school work that we need. That is definately a priority, so the babysitting will end. She's been *really* whiney for the last month or more, and the ONLY thing that calms her is holding her. All. Day. Long. UGH. With 4 kids of my own at home, I don't have time for that.

I told the hubby that this weekend, I'm taking a break! I think I'll take my SIL (who's 38wks pregnant) for that pedicure I've been promising her!

Energy...

2007-01-10T20:01:00.000-05:00

noun: vigorous exertion of power

M2 is full of it. Energy that is...

I don't know how he can go full speed all day long. He wakes up bouncing off the walls, and goes to bed the same way. He's the sweetest, most tender hearted child that I have, but you wouldn't know it.

He's constantly in his brothers' faces and singing and acting a fool. 95% of the time this leads to a fight, because his brothers don't share his "enthusiasm." He loves life. He's so free spirited, and fearless.

There are *many* times that I feel like I'm going to scream, because he can be so rambunctious. Then there are the times, when I can have one on one time with him, that I see the sweet side of him. He is so caring, and genuinely loves his brothers so much. He is always the first to apologize when he does something wrong. He gets very emotional when he is being disciplined. He's such a softy. He is very empathetic. When he feels wronged, though, you had better watch out. All that emotion can, unfortunately, go the other way too.

He has these eyes. Wow. Dark chocolate brown and some of the longest eyelashes you'll ever see. And then there are the dimples. He's just adorable! A very handsome little fellow.

I love that boy so much!

Anticipation...

2007-01-09T22:34:00.000-05:00

noun: the act of looking forward; especially : pleasurable expectation

It's building.....

I can imagine as the days pass, it'll only grow stronger.

In case you are wondering, I'm talking about out trip to Walt Disney World. It'll be a first for all of us. I'm really not sure who is more excited, hubby and I or the kiddos.

We'll be leaving home on 2/10 and will arrive in Orlando sometime late that afternoon. We'll be staying offsite for the first night. Then the next morning we'll get up and head into "The World." We'll check in and leave our stuff with the hotel and head off into Magic Kingdom. Did I say that I CAN'T WAIT?!?!? Because I can't. I'm ready to go TODAY. Right this minute!!

Thanks to some very Disney-wise friends, I've been hooked up with all the information that I could ever need. I've researched the least crowded days for each of the parks, and the optimal times to ride each ride. With 4 kids, waiting in lines isn't going to be pleasant so I'm trying to avoid as much of it as possible. We also got some (what I hope are) great dining reservations. We have 2 character meals with Mickey and friends, as well as a Luau Dinner Show. We also have 2 other reservations at a few fun places. I can't wait!

It's going to be great. We haven't even gotten to the first trip yet, and I find myself wanting to plan another. We'd originally thought we'd wait and go back in 4 years, but I think we may have to do atleast every other year......

can you sense the anticipation??

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly...

2006-12-04T13:34:00.000-05:00

Life is full of each.....

The Good
Lots of good to share. One of our friends and his wife had their first baby yesterday. A boy. It's very exciting as this is the first of our "old friends" to have a kid. Our best "old" friend and his wife just found out that they are pregnant with their first. I'm really excited about this one!! Joel is a very special friend to us, and is our boys' GodFather.

We are taking the boys to the Christmas Lights tonight. This is one of my very favorite things that we do each year. They even have a Live Nativity! http://www.lakelanierislands.com/mnol/

Another good is that I am thisclose to being done with Christmas shopping. Only one more gift each for the 3 older M's and something for the husband. He is so stinkin' hard to buy for!!

The last of the good (for now) is that I'm in the early stages of planning us a trip to Disney next year. Hopefully in February or March. It's pretty exciting considering the hubby and I have never been either. Depending on the exact cost of the trip we may have to put it off til the end of September to be guaranteed that we have enough $ , but I really hope that we don't.

The Bad
My stepdad's mom is pretty sick. She's 89 and sadly I think she's nearing the end of her life here on earth. The boys and I are planning a trip this week to go visit with her if she is up to it. Her doctors offered her some medical assisstance in the form of various machines and she turned them down, saying that she'd rather let nature take it's course. Her heart is beating at 30% and her kidneys are shutting down. Not sure how much longer we have.

We are still waiting to see where this whole issue with the IL's is gonna go. It's so frustrating waiting and waiting and waiting. The case was turned over to the Police Dept for investigation, and they found that there are no laws being broken, so criminally we have no ground. It is now up to DFCS to decide what, if anything, needs to be done. I'm becoming particularly concerned since the weather is getting much colder. I've left a few messages with the case worker, and if I don't hear from her by mid-week then I'll call and ask to talk to her supervisor.

The Ugly
And oh boy, did it get ugly!!
For the first time, in a SUPER long time my mom and I got into an argument. It revolved around my dad and her wanting to take him back to court for the $50,000+ in back child support that he owes her. Now if she were doing it just for the money and for the principal of it, then it would be easier to support her. She's doing it out of sheer hatred and revenge. She point blank told me so. Most of you know that my dad was a raging alcoholic for most of my life. He was mentally and physically abusive to my mom. He really damaged her, but until our conversation I don't think I knew exactly how much. I'd never seen hatred face to face before, and it is pretty scary.
Here's a quick synopsis of the events leading up to our argument: My dad got sober when she put him in jail in August 1999. She used to back $$$ to get him in jail, but she did it because at that time he was trying to kill himself and she wanted to give him a chance to sober up. She knew she'd never get the money. He was in jail until January 2001, and hasn't had a drop to drink since before he went into jail. He has paid her every week and has even given her a few larger amounts when he knew she needed it. My youngest brother turned 20 in October and has been out of my mom's house since he was 18. My dad is trying to start a new life and is planning to get married and had mentioned to my mom that he'd like to quit paying. Ok now back to the story....
So, she was telling me that his paying atleast made her feel like he was paying for what hell he put her through and that she didn't want him to quit. It was the only way she could make him pay. And that since the money was supposed to be for us, she was going to sue him for the $$ and split it 3 ways between me and my brothers. She asked for my opinion and I gave it to her. I told her that I had forgiven him a long time ago, and that I didn't need her to do this for me. I made the decision before he ever got out of jail that no matter what the future held with mine and his relationship, I had to forgive him for the past or I'd always be filled with anger. She said that even though she always told us kids to love him and forgive him that she was jealous of the fact that we all have relationships with him now. She went on to say that he doesn't deserve us in his life, and then she started making personal attacks toward him. At this point I stopped her and told her we were done discussing it. She took that as me taking his side and she got up to leave. We were both crying now, and I just told her that she had to let it go. I told her I knew that her scars were deeper than us kids' but that if she didn't let it go, it'd kill her or atleast hinder her from having a truly happy life. I told her that forgiving him would make no difference in his life, but it would make a huge one in hers. She didn't respond she just left. I was hysterical. My dear hubby called her and took up for me saying that I wasn't taking sides, and that it took a lot for me to get to where I am at with my dad now. Thankfully my mom and I were able to patch things up and get back to normal within a few days. She spoke with my brothers and they were both against her taking him to court, so she decided to not follow through. The very worst part of this for me was seeing how much she truly hated him. It broke my heart. Not because she hates him, but because he hurt her so bad. I wish I could take it all away from her. I wish she would let it all go. I wish he'd own up to it all and apologize to her.

how can something so cute cause so much trouble??

2006-12-04T13:27:00.000-05:00

All I want for Christmas.....

2006-11-16T14:49:00.000-05:00

....hmmm, I can't think of anything worth asking for.

But, boy, my kids can!

Laptops, cell phones, Heelys, TV's, and game systems top their wish lists. The younger M's want it because the big M wants it, and he wants it cause "everybody else has it". UGH! Thankfully, the do know that they will not be getting any of these, but it doesn't stop them from reminding us "just in case".

This also makes me happy that we started the "3 gift rule" long ago. We get each M 3 gifts each and Santa brings them 1 each (and fills their stockings). We also try and stick to a reasonable amount of money per child, but as they get older it sure does get harder! I'm also happy that my kids have included many reasonable items on their lists, so that we don't totally dissappoint them. They're asking for games for their existing game systems, clothes, and various toys. I think it'll be easier to fill those requests!

Now, we just have to sit down and decide what we actually want to get them, and then comes the fun.....

SHOPPING!

(note sarcasm!)

Rainy Day Rant

2006-10-27T15:04:00.000-04:00

I'm not a patient person. Never have been and probably never will be. Waiting just sucks. period. end of story.

I'm currently in "wait and see" mode on 2 serious issues.

The first being financial in nature. We are waiting to hear from our mortgage company if they can file a partial claim and send our late payments to the end of our note, or if we are going to have to fork over lots of $$$. Thankfully, we have the money (or atleast most of it), but it will totally wipe us out. DH is finally starting to make some bonuses, so once we get past this issue, we shouldn't find ourselves in it again. We've been waiting all month and they told us we'd know something on the 23rd., and now they say we'll have to wait til the 30th. ugh. The very worst part about this is that my house is due to be foreclosed on 11/7/06, and even though we know it won't happen (because if they can't move the payments, then we'll pay the money) it just sucks getting so close to that date and still not having a resolution. But I guess we'll just have to WAIT a few more days.....

The second issue pertains to my SIL and her baby. As most of you know, I've been ready to get them out of the house they're in for a long time now. They are officially living in the run down piece of **** that FIL moved them to. DH and his other siblings are wanting to do something about it, but they are taking their time it seems. There is a 3 week old baby living in that hell hole for crying out loud!!! I did speak with the SIL about her and the baby coming to my home, but she didn't seem interested. You see, at home, she does what she wants (obviously) and at 13 I don't think that she is capable of putting the baby's needs above her own. As of Tuesday, I was ready to call DFCS and have them removed and placed into my home, or at the very least the baby. DH and siblings wanted to handle it "in the family" first, which I understand. I guess sometime this weekend my other SIL is going to pick up SIL and baby and take them to her house for a while. During this time she's going to discuss with 13yo SIL why she shouldn't go back home. So, I've been WAITING all week, with that baby sleeping in that nasty, old, run down piece of ****. Needless to say I haven't slept well. Also, I'm not sure if 13yo SIL going to other SIL's house is the best idea. Other SIL is currently going through a divorce because she has slept with 4 different men in the past year or so!!!! So, obviously a wonderful role model. UGH. I guess the point we are at now is we'll wait and see what 13yo SIL decides to do after she leaves other SIL. If she goes back home, then dh and siblings will go talk to FIL and 13yo SIL about her and baby coming here. If that doesn't work (and I'm betting that it won't!) then we'll go the DFCS route. More WAITING!

I'm going to end this rant with a scream. Maybe then I'll be able to wait a little more patiently..........

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh

Fanatic!

2006-10-13T10:51:00.000-04:00

If someone would have said to me that youth league football (especially 5/6 yr old) could be such a nail-biting sport, I would have laughed at them.

I mean come on! They are still babies for crying out loud!

Yeah RIGHT! Boy, it gets stressful. For us parents anyway. The kids are oblivious to it all. For them it is all fun. Which of course is the way it should be. We got lucky and didn't get any of those "crazy" parents or coaches. We have a great team. Our record is 3-4 with 2 games left. Our last 2 games we've been shut out. Which bites. It's disheartening for the kids to not even score once. They don't mind the losing so much as long as they can get in the end zone. This is where it gets stressful for us parents. Especially when we get thisclose to the endzone and come away empty handed. It's an easier pill to swallow when you know that they gave it all they had, but it's still upsetting for the kids.

I've become a bit obsessed about playoffs. lol. there are 10 teams. the top 8 make it to playoffs. As it stands now, we are going. but it's close. I keep a running tab on a piece of paper each week. I check all the websites everyday starting on sundays, just waiting for the results of the games. Why is this so important to me? If we do go, it means atleast one more week of practice and another stressful game. It also means some happy kids of course.

All of this aside, Michael is loving football. It's great exercise for him, and he has made some good friends. He has a great time during practices and games. For him it's about having fun and learning. And even though it can get a bit stressful for us parents (only because we love our kiddos and want the best for them), we all love it. It's so much fun to see our kids out there enjoying themselves and learning so much. Not just about football, but about teamwork, and more importantly about themselves. Just this week, it all finally clicked for Michael. It was so cool to witness your child make such progress. It happened Tuesday, about 30 minutes into practice. It all just clicked for him, and he is doing such a great job. His coaches have really praised his progress, which of course encourages him to do better. He was doing a good job before, but there was a missing link. Not sure what helped it all click for him, but it did. KJ and I were so proud of him we had tears in our eyes. Now that may sound silly to you all without kids in sports. It had nothing to do with football though. It was about seeing your child accomplish something that he had been working so hard on. Seeing him do his best. It was great.

It fueled my fanaticism.

You have 4 boys AND you homeschool???

2006-10-11T14:12:00.000-04:00

That seems to be the question of the day(s) around here. I guess I can understand why people think it is such an astounding feat, but it still gets old having to explain why I would put myself through that. Like it's some sort of miserable situation. Sure some days I dream of sending them off to school (boarding school, lol), but this is what is right for us right now. Still it amazes people. We get so much attention anywhere we go. First it is because we have 4 boys. "Is the baby a boy too?? WOW! 4 boys! I bet you're busy. It's crazy at your house, huh?" Then they realize that 2 of those 4 boys should be in school. "Are you sick today? OH! You homeschool?!?!? WOW! How do you do it? What made you decide to do that?!?!" Then sometimes when it's someone that you see somewhat regularly you get the "You seem so calm and peaceful and you have it all together. Your boys are so well behaved." To which I laugh and tell them thanks, but things aren't always as they appear.

For the most part, though, homeschooling is going good. I love being with my kids. As you can imagine, there are days when it is crazy around here, but I wouldn't do things any differently. We have our moments, and there are days when the best laid plans go to waste, but mostly we all enjoy being together. KJ works 2 miles from home so we get to see him for lunch some days, and we get to go to the park, and go on field trips, and we get to talk and learn about cool stuff together. We just joined a homeschool group so we're going to be making some homeschool friends, and that is exciting. I like knowing that in these very influential years, KJ and I are the most influential people in their lives. We don't have to worry about what they are learning on the bus or the playground. We understand that we can't shelter them from all outside influences, and we don't intend to, but it is nice being able to have more control over it. If we can preserve their innocence for even just one day longer, then we will feel as if we've accomplished something. I just read a great book a few weeks ago. "Lies That Homeschooling Moms Believe" by Todd Wilson http://www.familymanweb.com/. I highly recommend it.

I'm almost positive that nearly everyone thinks I'm a bit insane for taking on such a challenge. I just wish they all understood why I do it. I love my family and I love God, and I'm following where He is leading me. I guess if that makes me crazy, then wrap me up in a straight jacket and send me to the rubber room.

Life in the fast lane...

2006-08-03T12:33:00.000-04:00

sheesh, i just want life to slow down for a few days so that i can catch my breath! it likely isn't going to happen though, is it?

we went to visit my aunt in gulf shores, alabama for a long weekend. left at 6 a.m. friday and got back home at 11:30 p.m. monday. we had a great time though, and the m's loved going to the beach. during the day we mostly relaxed and went sight-seeing. we left for the beach each day about 6:30 p.m. it was great because by then the crowds had left and it wasn't so hot. the m's had a great time building sandcastles and jumping waves. on saturday night my 18yo cousin babysat the m's and we went to Biloxi and gambled for the first time! it was a lot of fun. we played mainly on the nickel slots. they had a midnight buffet so we enjoyed that as well. we won a total of about $60 but put it back in the machines. when we left we were down only $35 and that included the $20 for the buffet. not too shabby. the only thing i didn't like was all the smoke. yucko!! one thing i did like is that as long as you are gambling they bring you all the free beverages you want. i only had 1 corona, but i like that the option was available. lol. sunday afternoon we went to Lambert's Cafe. YUMMY, but OMGosh what a wait! we waited for 2 hours for a table, but everyone said that it is always like that. sheesh. but in the end it was worth the wait. my m's loved the fact that they throw rolls at ya. lol. on our way home monday we were going to take the m's to the Naval Air Museum, but we had a bit of a problem. Not thinking that it was on an actual military base, we were denied entry because kj's hand gun was in th minivan. unfortunately it was only 1 hour til they closed so we had no time to take it back to my aunts (45 mins away) and get back in time. the m's were so upset, but we promised them that we'll definately go next time. we'll also be taking them to the U.S.S. Alabama.

since we've been back life hasn't really slowed down any. tuesday we all layed around the house for most of the day, then m1 had his first football practice. for the life of me i can't figure out why they would start football season when it is so blasted hot outside. sheesh. anyway, he loved it. he has practices on tuesday, thursday, saturday through next week, then practices tuesday and thursday with games on saturday. ugh. this lasts through mid november!! i'll just be glad when it isn't 90+ freakin degrees outside.

yesterday, me and the m's went to walmart. bought a lot of stuff we didn't need. friend of mine a few doors down had her first baby, a girl, last friday. so i went to go buy a gift. went to see the baby for the first time yesterday afternoon. such a cutie. she's a big girl though. was 9 days late and weighed in at 9lbs 14oz. my friend i swear only looked about 7 /8 months pregnant when she had her. funny cause i always look about 15 months pregnant and non of my m's have been that big. lol.

i've decided that i'm going to have to get a part time job in the evenings. not for long term, but just long enough to get everything caught up again. when kj changed subdivisions he stopped getting his bonuses. he gets bonuses when house sell, and he was moved to a brand new subdivision so obviously his bonuses are just now starting to come back one by one. by next spring he should be getting in enough bonuses that i can quit again. i haven't worked for anyone in 9 years. after that i worked for my aunt for a year then had my own business for 1.5 yrs. then quit working all together after m1 was born. i'm not looking forward to working, but it's really the only option we have. ugh. will be checking into target, some grocery stores, and a few pharmacies. i'm doubting that anyone is gonna wanna hire someone who can only work 5 evenings a week, but we'll see. wish i could find something legitimate to do at home on the computer, but those seem hard to come by. wish me luck!

in a bit i've got to wake all the m's, take m1 for his physical for football ($90 cause insurance doesn't cover it!). then i've got to feed everyone and get him ready for practice. haven't decided if i'm going to go to practice tonight or not. m2 and m3 will want to go so if kj whines about having to take all 3 alone then i'll probably go along. ugh.

must. stay. awake. zzzzzz......

2006-07-26T16:14:00.000-04:00

i'm soooooo tired today....

kj went to the braves game last night with co-workers and his boss....stayed out way too late (til 4 a.m.!!!) and drank way to much, lol, and somehow i'm having a sympathy hangover. ugh. guess cause at 2:30 i woke up and he wasn't home. got in touch with him and he said he'd be home about 4. bad thing about riding with other people is you are stuck doing what they want to do. after the game they went to a friend of a friends bar for a while. anyway, back to me....lol. couldn't get back to sleep til almost 5 this morning. then the kids were up at 7. reminded me of my not-so-distant past of no sleep. ugh. i'd almost forgotten how tired one can be, since m4 has been sleeping through the night for the past month.

finally managed to get myself up and dressed and get the kids ready and we went to have lunch with my mom, step dad, and brother. now we're back home and all the kids fell asleep and i'm fighting sleep. if i go to sleep i won't want to get up.

have so much i need to get done (laundry, clean kitchen) before we leave for the beach, but i'm too tired to do it. i'm sure i'll put it off til tomorrow then i'll be going crazy trying to get it all done. such is life....

already a month?!?!?

2006-07-25T22:12:00.000-04:00

I can't believe i haven't updated in a month!

life just got busy.

first, there was m3's bday. he's 3 now. can't believe it. he had a great party and got lots of stuff that he didn't really need, but he loved it. he's had his 3yr check up and had his check up with the eye dr today. all is well. he will be starting speech therapy sometime this fall though. he talks a lot, but not very clear.

m4 is 3 months now. he is the sweetest, happiest baby ever. i just love it. he is always smiling and "talking". i cut his hair a few weeks ago. it was so long on top and just wouldn't do anything but stand up. so i cut about half of what he had off. it looks much better, but i do kinda miss his longer hair. thankfully he's still got quite a bit of it so i can still rub it. lol. he's rolled over 2 times already, but i'm hoping they were accidents. i'm not ready for him to be any kind of mobile. when on his belly he can move all around though, and really pushes his upper body off the floor. ugh. why is it that i have a feeling he'll walk early when i really don't want him to?

m1 and m2 are doing great. after much prayer and going back and forth, we are officially homeschooling this year. turned in my paper work today. we are all really excited about it and the boys were actually begging me to do it. i had planned on waiting til next year when m4 was bigger, but it was really on my heart to do it now. got a great deal on our math curriculum on ebay. was going to have to pay $270 for both math's and was able to get them off ebay for total of $150! that's everything we'll need for the whole year, and the manipulatives and teachers manuals will be able to be used with the other kiddos. very exciting. my only other major purchase i'm going to make is gonna be for language/phonics curriculum. i'll get out for about $400 total and that is the same as what i'd pay for 2 MONTHS of matthew going to school, and the same price as michael's lunches for the year. for the other subjects i'm going to find stuff off the internet.

we're headed out friday morning to spend a long weekend with my aunt in gulf shores alabama. the boys are so excited that they can barely stand it. lol. we are all looking forward to the trip. can't wait to get to the beach!!

everyday i become more and more sure that our family is complete. i love babies and could have many more if it weren't for them growing up. lol. even though i'm sure we won't be adding any more m's, i still can't bring myself to have something permanent done. guess we'll just keep praying about it.

anyway, i guess that's about all i've got to update for now.

saturday ramblings..

2006-06-24T13:43:00.000-04:00

sorry for the hiatus from posting. i've been using any spare time i could get to read the book i got from the library. reading is my most favorite pass time and i don't get to do it very often, so i tend to get obssessive about it when i get the chance. i did finish the book though, and it was pretty good. would have liked a better ending, but oh well.

right now it is nice and quiet in the house. kj took the older 2 to work with him this morning and now they are out driving around. the younger ones are napping. i've dedicated this weekend as "get the house in order" weekend, so i've been working on the upstairs. the biggest problem with the upstairs is getting the laundry out of the baskets and folded and put away. i've washed everyone's sheets and made all the beds. folded about 1/3 of the laundry that needs to be done, but atleast it's a start. tomorrow i'll be working on the kitchen mostly. just decluttering everything. i've let the house work really slip since miles was born, and boy 9 weeks later you can tell! lol. also tomorrow i'm hanging the chore charts back up for M1 and M2 (michael and matthew, and from here on i'll be calling max and miles M3 and M4, it's just easier to type, lol). i'm sure they won't be overjoyed with the decision, but hopefully the idea of getting money will keep them on track. if not, then i'm sure the idea of disciplinary (sp?) action will. they were doing really well, but once M4 came along it got too crazy.

good news about my van. my dads friend knows TONS about cars and has helped us several times before. he came over and checked it out and it needed a throttle body servicing and a new air filter. he got the stuff to do it with for less than $20!!! now it's much better! still needs a few maintenance items taken care of, but atleast it's not cutting off while sitting at a red light anymore!

M4 is 2 months old today. i can't believe it. of course it's the situation where it seems longer than that in once sense, and not that long in another. he's such a SWEETIE. just a doll. he "talks" all the time now and just smiles so big. i've really got to get around to getting new pictures up. we've taken some, just haven't gotten them off the camera yet. i'll make that a goal for this week. you all will just love his hair. no matter what i do, it stands straight up on top of his head like a mohawk. it drives me crazy, but everyone else thinks it's cute. i used a kids shampoo with conditioner last night on him, and it seems to be laying down a little bit today. i'm sure by the time he wakes from his nap it won't be. lol. he goes monday for his 2 month check up and shots. i'm really dreading it. it breaks my heart that they have to get so many shots. but we gotta do what we gotta do, i guess.

M3's bday is just in 2 weeks, and he is so excited. he's been telling everyone he sees that "on my dirday, i be 3". lol. he's such a monkey. he is the cutest thing i've ever seen, but is as mean as a snake when he wants to be. he definately mimicks M1 and M2. they've ruined him for sure. can't wait to see what M4 is like in a few years.

M1 and M2 are getting along really well lately. not sure why, but it is nice to have some peace in the house. they are hanging out all the time and even sleeping in the same room at night. i'm sure it'll end sooner than i want it to so i'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. M2 is a real handful. he is totally girl crazy already and he isn't even 5 yet. need to find a male chastity belt for him. he just giggles and turns red when he sees a pretty girl. tells us all the time that he loves girls. OY! M1 is much more shy than M2 so we don't get so much of it from him about girls. his big love is football and game cube. he can tell you just about anything that you need to know about football. he's playing for the first time this fall, and he can't wait. he wore his uniform for a whole weekend when he got it. lol.
Oh Well. Boys will be Boys!

sweet peach tea...

2006-06-20T16:22:00.000-04:00

...yummy!!!

today has been a good day. michael and matthew were up before 7, but max slept til 9:45. michael and matthew asked to watch a movie a little after 7, so i was able to go back to bed with miles until 9. then i fed miles and fixed bkfst for everyone. then max woke up. after bkfst the older 2 were sent outside to clean the van. once they got that done, we went to the car wash, to drop off a movie, and then to lunch with kj. went to a little cafe here in town we hadn't tried yet. it was really good, but like most cafes, it was kinda $$. i had a ckn salad sandwich. it was really good. had pieces of apples and grapes in it, and on a croissant. to drink i had sweet peach tea. OMGosh i loved it. had 3 glasses, and would have had more, but i was floating by then. lol. i'll definately be going back there.

after lunch i took the boys to the library. for the most part it was a good trip. michael got to get his own library card, so he was really excited. miles got really upset for the last 10 minutes we were there so that was a little stressful (trying to check out and all) but we had a good time. max decided to take his shoes off while i was checking out, and i told matthew to put them back on for me seeing as how i had my hands full. of course he didn't and as soon as max got half way across the parking lot he started screaming because the pavement was hot. so i had to carry him and push a stroller with a screaming baby the rest of the way. FUN! when we got home i sent all the kids to their rooms for "rest time". that was at 2:40, and they must have all fallen asleep because i haven't seen them since and it is 4:25 now. guess they'll be going to bed late tonight!

got me a book from the library. hoping i have time to actually read it because it's supposed to be a good one. Gap Creek. Read chapter 1 while i fed miles. seems good so far.

sorry for my long whiney post yesterday, but i must say, i felt better after getting it all off my chest. sorry you had to be the ones to read it though. lol.

hubby discovered my blog last night. oh well. i had planned on telling him about it eventually anyway, but i guess that's what i get for leaving the addy on the computer right?!?! i told him that it's his own fault if he reads something bad that i write about him. lol. luckily i don't ever really have anything bad to say about him.

ugh, well the day is continuing to slip away and it's nearly time to cook dinner. guess i better wake up the sleepy ones, and get the baby that just started fussing. then i need to get the checkbook straightened up and make a few payments, then cook. my life is full of adventure isn't it?

maybe we'll take the boys to the pool later. it's gonna be really hot here for the next few days. mid 90's. yucko! too hot to go out during the day for sure.

downer...

2006-06-19T20:32:00.000-04:00

sheesh. you know how sometimes you just have one of those "down" days. well today is one for me.

guess it's just a combination of finances, van needing repairs, probably not getting to go to PA in August (because of the previous 2 things), being stuck inside because it's too hot outside for miles, house is a mess but who wants to clean something that is dirty 5 minutes later. and to top the whole thing off, when i was already on the verge of crying, i get a sad email when i get online. a good friend of mine who was due 8 days after miles, but had a m/c at 10 wks, found out she was pg again (after trying for all this time and trying for over a year the first time), and today at 9.5wks there was no heartbeat. i just don't understand life sometimes. it's definately not fair. how is it that my 13yo SIL can be having a baby (don't get me started!!), and here is this great family who would love to have just one more, and they can't. it's not right, but it's life i guess.....

i want so badly to contribute to my family. meaning income. i know i contribute with the kids and the house, blah blah blah, but i'm not even doing a great job with that! it's impossible for me to get a job outside of the home, and apparently it's just as impossible to find something legitimate to do inside the home.

add to all of that...

i'm fat, and it'll be forever before i lose all the weight i want to. i have lost 11.8lbs in the last 4 wks, but that is barely 10% of what i need to lose. atleast the scale is going down...only 97lbs to go...

why can't my almost 3yo comprehend pooping in the potty?!?! he is totally peeing in the potty all the time, but for some reason 75% of the time he still poops in his underwear. i know he's still young, but he is as sharp as a tack, so i know he gets it. he just doesn't want to take the time out of the day to go, i guess.

why must my children fight with each other nearly every waking moment of every day?!?! is it impossible to play together without screaming and throwing things? and why can't they learn to work things out amongst themselves? if there is no blood or bones then i really don't need to know.

anyway, i better end this post before i get you drunk off my whine. gotta give the baby a bath anyway.

if you actually made it through this, you are a saint, and sorry for the horribly whiney post.

Father's Day

2006-06-18T16:20:00.000-04:00

the day started out like most others. the boys were up at the crack of dawn, playing and fighting and asking us every 30 seconds when we were gonna get up. what they don't realize is that just because they choose to wake up at such ungodly hours, doesn't mean everyone else does too. we were able to get them to leave us alone for a while though.

me and kj and miles finally got up at 9 and started getting ready to take kj to IHOP for bkfst. knew it would be crowded, but when we pulled up i about fell outta the van. luckily we asked about the wait and said only 15-20 minutes so we stayed. finally got seated and we had a NON weight watcher friendly bkfst, but it sure was good (stuffed french toast!). after bkfst we took the boys to see Over The Hedge. It was really cute. The theater was basically empty so it was nice.

came home and now kj is working out in the garage. building the gate for our fence around the backyard. now he's calling me to help him hang it. UGH. it's nearly 90 degrees out and i don't wanna go out! guess i don't have a choice though. it'll be nice when the boys are big enough to help so i don't have to. lol. i'll go help him then come back and finish my post......

alrighty...so yes that was as bad as i thought it was gonna be. lol. but i must say kj has done a fantastic job on the fence. i'll have to post pictures when it's completed.

anyway, so he is still working outside and now i'm back in the cool A/C. miles is napping, and the others are asking every 5 minutes when we are going swimming. i keep telling them, not til after dinner, but i guess they keep forgetting. need to check into some gingko biloba (sp??) for them. i think that is the memory herbs. sheesh, i guess i need some of whatever it is too. lol.

2006-06-18T15:29:00.000-04:00

Welcome to my blog!

I figured I'd "get with it" and start my own.

I'll start by saying that this will be a pretty boring blog, and not at all interesting either. lol. That's just the way my life is.

Fortunately it will be entertaining, because with 4 boys and a hubby running around, life is very entertaining.