Monday, December 04, 2006

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly...

Life is full of each.....

The Good
Lots of good to share. One of our friends and his wife had their first baby yesterday. A boy. It's very exciting as this is the first of our "old friends" to have a kid. Our best "old" friend and his wife just found out that they are pregnant with their first. I'm really excited about this one!! Joel is a very special friend to us, and is our boys' GodFather.

We are taking the boys to the Christmas Lights tonight. This is one of my very favorite things that we do each year. They even have a Live Nativity!

Another good is that I am thisclose to being done with Christmas shopping. Only one more gift each for the 3 older M's and something for the husband. He is so stinkin' hard to buy for!!

The last of the good (for now) is that I'm in the early stages of planning us a trip to Disney next year. Hopefully in February or March. It's pretty exciting considering the hubby and I have never been either. Depending on the exact cost of the trip we may have to put it off til the end of September to be guaranteed that we have enough $ , but I really hope that we don't.

The Bad
My stepdad's mom is pretty sick. She's 89 and sadly I think she's nearing the end of her life here on earth. The boys and I are planning a trip this week to go visit with her if she is up to it. Her doctors offered her some medical assisstance in the form of various machines and she turned them down, saying that she'd rather let nature take it's course. Her heart is beating at 30% and her kidneys are shutting down. Not sure how much longer we have.

We are still waiting to see where this whole issue with the IL's is gonna go. It's so frustrating waiting and waiting and waiting. The case was turned over to the Police Dept for investigation, and they found that there are no laws being broken, so criminally we have no ground. It is now up to DFCS to decide what, if anything, needs to be done. I'm becoming particularly concerned since the weather is getting much colder. I've left a few messages with the case worker, and if I don't hear from her by mid-week then I'll call and ask to talk to her supervisor.

The Ugly
And oh boy, did it get ugly!!
For the first time, in a SUPER long time my mom and I got into an argument. It revolved around my dad and her wanting to take him back to court for the $50,000+ in back child support that he owes her. Now if she were doing it just for the money and for the principal of it, then it would be easier to support her. She's doing it out of sheer hatred and revenge. She point blank told me so. Most of you know that my dad was a raging alcoholic for most of my life. He was mentally and physically abusive to my mom. He really damaged her, but until our conversation I don't think I knew exactly how much. I'd never seen hatred face to face before, and it is pretty scary.
Here's a quick synopsis of the events leading up to our argument: My dad got sober when she put him in jail in August 1999. She used to back $$$ to get him in jail, but she did it because at that time he was trying to kill himself and she wanted to give him a chance to sober up. She knew she'd never get the money. He was in jail until January 2001, and hasn't had a drop to drink since before he went into jail. He has paid her every week and has even given her a few larger amounts when he knew she needed it. My youngest brother turned 20 in October and has been out of my mom's house since he was 18. My dad is trying to start a new life and is planning to get married and had mentioned to my mom that he'd like to quit paying. Ok now back to the story....
So, she was telling me that his paying atleast made her feel like he was paying for what hell he put her through and that she didn't want him to quit. It was the only way she could make him pay. And that since the money was supposed to be for us, she was going to sue him for the $$ and split it 3 ways between me and my brothers. She asked for my opinion and I gave it to her. I told her that I had forgiven him a long time ago, and that I didn't need her to do this for me. I made the decision before he ever got out of jail that no matter what the future held with mine and his relationship, I had to forgive him for the past or I'd always be filled with anger. She said that even though she always told us kids to love him and forgive him that she was jealous of the fact that we all have relationships with him now. She went on to say that he doesn't deserve us in his life, and then she started making personal attacks toward him. At this point I stopped her and told her we were done discussing it. She took that as me taking his side and she got up to leave. We were both crying now, and I just told her that she had to let it go. I told her I knew that her scars were deeper than us kids' but that if she didn't let it go, it'd kill her or atleast hinder her from having a truly happy life. I told her that forgiving him would make no difference in his life, but it would make a huge one in hers. She didn't respond she just left. I was hysterical. My dear hubby called her and took up for me saying that I wasn't taking sides, and that it took a lot for me to get to where I am at with my dad now. Thankfully my mom and I were able to patch things up and get back to normal within a few days. She spoke with my brothers and they were both against her taking him to court, so she decided to not follow through. The very worst part of this for me was seeing how much she truly hated him. It broke my heart. Not because she hates him, but because he hurt her so bad. I wish I could take it all away from her. I wish she would let it all go. I wish he'd own up to it all and apologize to her.

how can something so cute cause so much trouble??